4 Ways Couples Therapy Can Benefit YOU
Couples may have mixed feelings about seeing a couples therapist. What they may not know is that couples therapy has been shown to have many benefits that go beyond solely improved relational satisfaction.
As a couples and family therapist, it is not uncommon to meet couples where one person is less than enthusiastic to be sitting in the appointment. It can be very reminiscent of the 2015 Super Bowl interview with Marshawn Lynch where he stated, “I’m just here so I don’t get fined”. While both partners might recognize aspects of their relationship they aren’t totally happy with, it can also be normal for someone to be a bit more skeptical about the therapy process. They might think talking about their relationship problems will only bring up uncomfortable feelings of anger and resentment. They may also think the therapist doesn’t know their unique relationship, so how are they able to help them? However, learning about the benefits of working on your relationship and being paired with the right therapist can help both partners feel more comfortable starting couples therapy.
Below are a few of the benefits you can look forward to after starting couples therapy:
1. Physical Health
People in happy relationships have a decreased risk of heart disease, lower blood pressure, and improved immune health. Being in a positive relationship means you are less likely to get sick, spend less time and money at the doctors, and have more years to live! We spend so much time on diet, exercise, vitamins and supplements to try to keep ourselves well, but perhaps an untapped health resource in your life is working on your relationship. Also, did you know people who are married have less heavy drinking behaviors than their non-married peers? Married couples reported less alcohol intake overall was reported across all genders. Heavy drinking carries a slew of negative effects on the body and ranks as one of the leading causes of premature death. If being in a happy relationship helps us drink less, and drinking less helps us live longer, then one could argue being in a happy relationship can help expand our lifespan!
2. Mental Health
Spending time with your partner in a healthy and connected state triggers your brain to release dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that releases “feel good feelings” into your brain. Oxytocin is another brain chemical that gets released when we feel positive about the person we love. Oxytocin makes us feel safe and supported by others. The more oxytocin we have, the more we feel loved and close with our partner. A happy marriage is linked to a decrease in depression in both males and females, this is likely due to all of the feel good chemicals swirling around in our brains when our couple is in a good place. That’s why there can be a lot of those feeling at the beginning of relationships. Lastly, being in a good relationship is also shown to decrease stress. Stress is something all too familiar to many of us, but not everyone knows that stress is related to a hormone called cortisol. Cortisol is released by our adrenal glands when our body is experiencing too much stress and can be associated with anxiety and depression, memory issues, trouble sleeping, and can also decrease our lifespan. Yes, stress can literally take years off our life! Divorce or relationship dissolution can lead to an increase in depression and those symptoms often remain elevated for years after breakup. This is another great reason to address issues early on in your relationship. Letting things grow and fester into unresolvable problems may lead to years of depression.
If you are worried about your own mental health and want to get support in managing stress or depression, improving your relationship might be another way to provide yourself some relief.
3. Career
Many couples discuss the stresses of balancing life and work. When things feel hard at work, they can often roll over into our time at home and vice versa. This can make some people feel like it’s impossible to have it all. However, happily married partners report being more satisfied at their job compared to their single colleagues. Having the safety of a strong relationship to land in after a hard day at work seems to help us be better and happier in our career. In the US labor market, married men and women also make more money compared to their non-married counterparts. While I am not saying getting married is going to drastically change your salary, statistically there does seem to be a connection. Doing some strong relational work can help you and your partner better strengthen your marriage, or decide if that is a path you would like to take.
4. Children
If you and your partner have children, it is safe to assume you spend a lot of time trying to give them the best life possible. Part of that life is teaching them what a healthy and supportive relationship looks like. Have you ever had a moment where you felt like you were turning into your parents? This is called intergenerational transmission; when behaviors are passed down from one generation to another. Marital dysfunction is one experience that has been shown to pass on from parent to child. When there are high levels of emotional dysfunction, including divorce, there is an increased likelihood of dissatisfaction and dissolution in their own marriages 4 years later, meaning it can seem like divorce is passed down amongst family members. The good news is when we recognize the intergenerational patterns we can make steps to change them. While couples counseling doesn’t necessarily prevent divorce, it can give us tools we may not have learned in the past to support us in changing our future. When we can learn better ways of handling our relational problems, then we can start passing those skills to our kiddos. This way they can be sure to know what a healthy romantic relationship is and find one for themself. We can sleep easier knowing that taking care of our own relationship can actually help our kids do better for themselves, too.
Overview
Couples therapy can be intimidating. Opening up and being vulnerable with our partner can feel scary or even frustrating. What will talking about our problems do to change anything? Well, just talking really won’t do much of anything. Good couples therapy balances listening to your concerns and giving you tools to change what’s going on. When you can use these tools, you can improve in all areas of your life. If you want to see not only your relationship change but also your physical health, mental health, career, and kids’ futures, then doing couples therapy might be right for you!
Per the 2023 census, North Carolina is ranked 8th in states that have the happiest married couples, happy relationships can correlate to happier people overall. Working as a marriage therapist at a North Carolina practice, I see couples everyday who want to work to improve their relationship, and subsequently their lives. To find out if our programs are right for you, contact us for a free phone consultation. Our team of Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSAT) and Certified Partner Trauma Therapists (CPTT) are licensed, experienced, and specifically trained in treating betrayal, trauma, addiction and relationships.
About the Author
Molly Morrow is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Molly helps individuals, couples, and families look at relational patterns, get in touch with their needs, and reach your goals for building connection.
Blog References:
Job Satisfaction and Interference with Family Life Among Mothers and Fathers. (2018). Bowling Green State University. https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/allred-job-satisfaction-family-life-fp-18-11.html
Mcconnell, B., & Valladares-Esteban, A. (2023). Do Employers Positively Discriminate Married Workers? *. https://www.arnau.eu/ELSD.pdf
Raypole, C. (2020, August 5). 15 Effects of Love on Your Brain and Body. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/effects-of-love#brain-effects
Story, L. B., Karney, B. R., Lawrence, E., & Bradbury, T. N. (2004). Interpersonal Mediators in the Intergenerational Transmission of Marital Dysfunction. Journal of Family Psychology, 18(3), 519–529. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.18.3.519