Partners of Infidelity & Betrayal
Discovering a spouse's infidelity, lies, secret life, or addiction is heartbreaking.
It goes beyond lost trust. It exceeds devastation. It is multidimensional, and its impact hits to your core. Betrayal is a form of complex trauma, and when left untreated can lead to PTSD. This trauma must be attended to before the individual or couple can consider moving toward grieving, forgiveness, or rebuilding trust.
Symptoms of Betrayal Trauma
Betrayal trauma symptoms can be physical, mental, emotional, behavioral, sexual, and spiritual in nature. Its impact uproots your sense of self, shatters confidence, and leads you to question yourself, your reality, and your ability to trust other people. You may find yourself unable to stop searching for new information to “make sense” of what has happened, or you may see triggers everywhere and be reactive. This is a result of your trauma.
Emotional symptoms +
- Shock, denial, disbelief
- Anger, rage, irritability
- Increased worry, anxiety
- Persistent sadness, hopelessness
- Guilt, self-blame
- Shame, worthlessness
- Fear, terror, paranoia
- Feeling numb, detached from others
- Loneliness
- Feeling violated
Cognitive symptoms +
- Flashbacks, nightmares
- Intrusive thoughts
- Loss of memory, forgetfulness
- Confusion
- Distracted, unable to concentrate
- Persistent negative beliefs about self
- Thoughts of distrusting the world
- Cynicism
- Feeling detached from reality
- Sense of time slowing, stopping
Physical symptoms +
- Agitation, Shaking
- Sweating
- Panic attacks
- Constipation, diarrhea
- Insomnia
- Startled easily
- Racing heartbeat
- Aches, pains, muscle tension
- Fatigue
- Migraines, headaches
Behavioral symptoms +
- Withdrawing, isolating from others
- Frequent weeping
- Decrease in self-care, hobbies
- Decrease in work productivity
- Increase or decrease in eating
- Increase in aggression, reactivity
- Increased use of social media
- Increased unnecessary purchases
- Increased use of alcohol, drugs
- Reckless or self-destructive behavior
Sexual symptoms +
- Aversion to sex
- Obligatory sex
- Uncomfortable with physical, sexual touch
- Difficulty reaching orgasm
- Feeling distant during sex
- Dissociating during sex
- Feeling dirty
- Sexual flashbacks, dreams, or intrusive thoughts
- Pain in reproductive organs
- Sexual shame, body shame
Spiritual symptoms +
- Anger with higher power
- Blaming higher power
- Loss of interest in prayer, meditation
- Separation from place of worship
- Isolation from spiritual support group
- Questioning “why?”
- Feeling of abandonment by higher power
- Doubt if higher power exists
- Fear of judgment by support people
- Fear of judgment by higher power
Hope for Healing
By processing and working through the crisis, shock, emotional roller coaster and grief of betrayal, partners devoted to their healing do return to emotional stability, resiliency, and trust. With self-care, social support, boundary development, and processing emotional wounds with a well-trained professional, betrayed individuals can create a new life of growth, peace and attachment security, sometimes even stronger and more connected than they felt before.
More Resources
Couples Therapy for Infidelity Recovery
Recommit to relationship fidelity, establish a new foundation of trust, process emotional wounds and reconnect after an affair.
Women’s Betrayal Trauma Group
The first step in healing from betrayal trauma is to develop a community of support who truly understands your pain.
Help Her Heal Empathy Workshop
This workshop is for men to learn to help their partner heal from betrayal.