60 Signs of Betrayal Trauma
You have experienced betrayal, deception or gaslighting in a primary relationship. You are trapped on an emotional roller coaster that won’t stop. Your body is screaming with signs of physical illness. Your brain (which used to be sharp and on top of it) is now malfunctioning. Your trust in your intuition, your partner, and your relationship has instantly shifted to a flood of pain, fear, and danger. You are alone. You are confused. Are you going crazy? What in the world is happening?
You are not crazy. Betrayal trauma is happening.
The symptoms you’re experiencing may be physical, mental, emotional, behavioral, sexual, and spiritual. Some people experience all of them. Some people experience some of them. I’ve never met a person who has been betrayed who experienced none of them. Feeling traumatized when your closest person violates your trust and destroys your sense of relationship safety is NORMAL. But it is also chaotic and devastating.
Betrayal trauma is what happens inside of you when you’ve suffered a significant, relational violation from the person you thought you could trust the most. The following list includes 60 symptoms of betrayal trauma. Please take caution as you review it and assess your own experience. Stop reading and shift to a distracting or soothing activity if this list becomes too overwhelming. You can come back after engaging in self-care, or contact a betrayal trauma specialist to support you as you learn about betrayal trauma and begin your healing journey.
EMOTIONAL SYMPTOMS
Shock, denial, disbelief
Anger, rage, irritability
Increased worry, anxiety
Persistent sadness, hopelessness
Guilt, self-blame
Shame, worthlessness
Fear, terror, paranoia
Feeling numb, detached from others
Loneliness
Feeling violated
COGNITIVE SYMPTOMS
Flashbacks, nightmares
Intrusive thoughts
Loss of memory, forgetfulness
Confusion
Distracted, unable to concentrate
Persistent negative beliefs about self
Thoughts of distrusting the world
Cynicism
Feeling detached from reality
Sense of time slowing, stopping
PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS
Agitation, Shaking
Sweating
Panic attacks
Constipation, diarrhea
Insomnia
Startled easily
Racing heartbeat
Aches, pains, muscle tension
Fatigue
Migraines, headaches
BEHAVIORAL SYMPTOMS
Withdrawing, isolating from others
Frequent weeping
Decrease in self-care, hobbies
Decrease in work productivity
Increase or decrease in eating
Increase in aggression, reactivity
Increased use of social media
Increased unnecessary purchases
Increased use of alcohol, drugs
Reckless or self-destructive behavior
SEXUAL SYMPTOMS
Aversion to sex
Obligatory sex
Uncomfortable with physical, sexual touch
Difficulty reaching orgasm
Feeling distant during sex
Dissociating during sex
Feeling dirty
Sexual flashbacks, dreams, or intrusive thoughts
Pain in reproductive organs
Sexual shame, body shame
SPIRITUAL SYMPTOMS
Anger with higher power
Blaming higher power
Loss of interest in prayer, meditation
Separation from place of worship
Isolation from spiritual support group
Questioning “why?”
Feeling of abandonment by higher power
Doubt if higher power exists
Fear of judgment by support people
Fear of judgment by higher power
As you examine your symptoms, note that whatever emotions, beliefs, or behavioral reactions you are experiencing are normal responses to complex trauma and others have experienced them too. If you are experiencing more than ten symptoms above, please consider the following options for beginning your healing journey:
Schedule a therapy appointment with a Certified Partner Trauma Therapist who has been trained in the complexities of this specific type of trauma and has experience treating other betrayed people. Be cautious of therapists who rush you to trust your partner or repair your relationship. It is important that you receive adequate information about the betrayal, cope with your trauma symptoms, and process your pain and fear before considering restoration of trust.
Join a betrayal trauma recovery group, or identify one or two safe, empathetic friends who you trust to protect your confidentiality, hold space for your feelings, and respects your decision to stay or leave your relationship.
Begin journaling daily to process your emotions, write down questions you are asking yourself or your partner, track symptoms and progress, and empty your busy mind.
*I have adapted this list of betrayal trauma symptoms from the Inventory for Partner Anxiety, Stress, and Trauma (IPAST), the Trauma Inventory for Partner’s of Sex Addicts (TIPSA), “Facing Heartbreak” by Stefanie Carnes, “Intimate Deception” by Sheri Keffer, and past clients’ report of their experiences. To complete a formal betrayal trauma assessment, please contact a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist or a Certified Partner Trauma Therapist in your state.
Do you resonate with these betrayal trauma symptoms? Are you curious about our recommendations for emotional healing or relationship repair? While each person’s experience of betrayal is unique, there is always hope for healing. To find out if our programs are right for you, contact us for a free phone consultation. Our team of Certified Partner Trauma Therapists (CPTT) and Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSAT) are licensed, experienced, and specifically trained in treating betrayal, trauma, addiction and relationships.
About the Author
Jessica McCall is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, Certified Partner Trauma Therapist, and founder of The Haven. Jessica understands individuals on both sides of betrayal and specializes in helping individuals and couples to recover from affairs, abuse, and addiction.